Every time I log into the gram and see a pic sitch of a “happy couple” getting engaged various thoughts race through my mind. I feel resentful that another friend has beaten the dating system. Continue scrolling, and oh look another not teen mom.
Well my fellow singles, I have some good news for you: it’s our time to shine. Christmas, New Years, fucking valentines day they’ve all passed. What do we have to look forward to: April 20, figawi, 4th of July and much, more! We will have ample opportunity to flaunt our platies 6 packs and statement outfits. Time to get serious my fellow hunters, it is the time to perfect yourself for the bountiful opportunities that lay ahead. Go shopping, and work out extra hard. It’s not a bad idea to exchange one meal a day for ice (just kidding try a smoothie, I’m not encouraging anorexia). But remember, stay chill no need to post about your work outs on social media every day or flaunt photos of the single grain of brown rice you ate for dinner on the gram. Desperation is a bad color on everyone.
And as a final note to all of you “happily” engaged at 26… we know you cheated on your fiancé the whole time we were abroad. To hold and to have. Sorry I’m not sorry.